ching, here's a very long entry.
you wanted me to elaborate, rite?
i pulled it from my diary.
AUGUST 5, SAT
louie broke up with me!
yea, for real....
he was constantly confusing me on whether he really loved me
or maybee he thought he loved me crap
so, the day before our TWO YEAR-SEVEN MONS anniv
we fought on the fone.
both of us have been working alot, seeing less of each other,
and frankly, we have been sooo happy and not fighting at all
after some silly statements, at the end he said that i was a bitch.
i told him he did not mean it...and that he doesnt knoe what he's saying.
in restrospect, i think he heard me saying that he couldnot speak english words well
that wasnt what i meant
i told him i was "bitchin"--nangungulit....not a bitch!
i was hurt
hmm....sometimes even i dont say sum words well
butt, the point is...he kept saying it, and
he ended up telling me that the reason why my father left mah mom
was because of me.....a bitch!
he kept calling me PUTA....PUTA....
he wouldnt stop!!!
so, i made a remark, bent on revenge:
i told him not to compare me to his mother.
his mom is really a prostitute....she asks money in return for sex....up to now, here in htown
he told me that his mother will always be first in his heart and his life.
why???
dont really ask me, because ive been asking myself that
how can you love someone that try to kill you even before you were born?
and up to now?
yea.....malas ko ano.
so, he did not talk to me for like five days.
last nite, we went out tho
watched rush hour 2
nothing happened
and it was sad
to be next to each other
without holding hands
or sharing a coke
see, i know u probably calling me stupid
for even setting up myself to a never-ending fall
but, gurl, i wanted to see him
baddddd
to prove whether he loves me still
or he has definitely deleted me out of his life
and what to do with the car.
i lent him my name...my credit.
i know....mistake
***sigh***
well.... i failed to get any of those
at least he's talking to me
and u kno, i havent cried as much
that's a first.
u wanna knoe another one?
well, i havent begg him to come back
not once
i did tell him tho that cool off to me means were still together
just sorting things out
but he wanted a break up
and to date other girls...play the field...
be free...
why are guys like that?
i know we're still young
and that's why i never told him no...
because if we ended up together,
i wouldn't be blamed for him missing out on anything.
i sabe to him that i will wait for him
however;
IF he goes and messes with another
then he should not even try to woe me
but tell me to stop hoping
he promised
lets just hope that this is the one he keeps
at least this
butt, i pray to GOD that
he does not regret or pay for his decisions
bec
im starting to think that i can live my life without him
***LAKE SUMMERViLLE*** AUG. 25
to make ammends for not taking me to the
FRiO RiVER with him,
LOUiE invited me to go jet-skiing with his bball crew.
i went..
it was weird.
LOUiE & i were acting as if we were a couple...
well, it was whenever he felt like i mattered.
he left me to fend for myself many a times.
i survived.....
he came close to me,
held my hand,
kissed me,
and all that.
butt when he started groping my body,
i almost slapped his face!
like the numbness i felt,
my face showed no emotions
with each thrusting sexual move he tried to enact
underwater....
making rude comments
on whether we never did it at a lake
or if i missed his company in my bed.
i told him we already broke up, di ba???
and he would ignore me.
enihow, he proceeded to be lovey-dopey with me.
i played along....
thinking maybee i can hurt him in his own game.
he told me that he had lots of girlfriends...
but i am his GiRL forever.
i got bruised and beaten-up bad
because LOUiE thought he was an experienced jet-skier.
he even enraged LiN --one of the nice gurls who was responsible
and spent money on the trip--
we ended up stuck in the middle of the lake.
LOUiE rode away....left LiN & i
to be dragged-off to shore.
my arms hurt and i drank lake water.....
awful!!!!
then he tells us, that when we were cursing his name,
as we were being pulled by his careless driving,
he got hurt.
***scoff***
um.....i'm so sorry,
i'd forgotten how sensitive he was.
get this....
he will marry me eventually.
if and when he forgives me,
he'll decide to take me back!!!
aite.....that was the last straw.
i am going to make this bad boi bleed.
i will finaLee bee the bitch he tells everybody i am,
and teach him one of life's lessons.
"be humble."
it bothered me that the people there
where being misled...
but it turns out, that i was the one that was being fooled.
they said:
"mabait ka pala. you're nice naman."
sooo....what has LOUiE been telling them?
this weak wolf in sheep's clothing confused the hell out of mah mind!!
in front of people,
he's exactly like his brother MiCHAEL,
all angelically good, but depressingly rotting of evil inside.
***scoff***
humff, he had the audacity to force me to drive home.
i said i couldnt because if i opened mah legs
i would have a major accident.
he said that i was a problem.
that he wouldn't have driven if i was not there,
that this is the last time he would aske me out.
um.....missing something here!!!
i DID NOT ask him to take me with him.
and he does not have the power to make me feel low.
i told him that he was pathetic to even play-off
being all macho and respected.
he was neither.
